Marj Merges Beautiful. Honest. You. {and me}

Remembering Dad

Photo by Mark of  He took it on the first night of the internship.

This is going to be a hard post.  It’s not going to be filled with pretty pictures.  Or pretty sayings.  Hopefully I’ll be eloquent.  But this isn’t roses and fluffy things.  This is life.  Life that doesn’t always seem fair.  But life that presses on and continues.

A year ago this weekend my dad passed away.  April 24th to be exact.  When I was trying to think about what to write for my blog today I was struggling and couldn’t figure out why I didn’t know what to write.  And then I realized it was because what I should write about was so obvious.  So much on my mind I was somehow skipping over it.  But then I went for my six mile run yesterday morning and I had some time to think.  And I realized I need to write about my dad and to not do so wouldn’t feel right.  It would feel like I was treating this post like any other post which it is not.  It’s a heavy day that deserves to be acknowledged.

So here’s to you, Dad.  Thank you for being who you were.  For asking so much of us.  For the little moments when you’d show your sentimental side.  For the detailed analysis of world financial matters.  For showing us a love of traveling.  For all that you taught me that I’ll probably be deciphering over the rest of my lifetime.  For allowing me to believe I could do absolutely anything with my life.  Because you instilled in me that confidence that I could do anything.  For my sister, I know she came first but I’m glad you gave us each other.  For the my love of bagels and knishes and a complete lack of knowledge on anything else Jewish (at least I’ve got bagels and knishes).  And for so much more, I can hardly capture everything here.

I’m sad you’ll never see me through my thirties.  Never see me with my own children.  But it comforts me to know you did see my house once and knew my husband.  You may have really disliked the maiden in the pond but you loved the house.  And I think what you loved most was that I was finally settled enough that I was buying a house.  And that I was buying it with Eric.  We may have confused you buying a house a year before we married but you accepted it.  And that allowed you a glimpse into what my life would become.  A life (and a wedding) in that house with my Eric.

And thank you so much, for that Leica Digilux 3.  Without it starting this photography career would have been a lot scarier.  But you gave me the tools to start without making the big leap at the same time as buying a camera.  And it served me well as I was trying to figure things out at the start.  Served me well to figure out if I should even be considering this.  So whatever comes of this, I’ll have you to thank (and mom for sending it).

Love you and miss you, dad.

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